Richie's Big Dick™ Official Fan Forum

OFFICIAL FORUM REVIEWS

Thread: My knees still weak Posted: 04/20/1999 13:37

😎 user: Modem_Magnus
rank: 56k Warrior

★★★★★

Spent one evening with Richie. Walked funny for two days, smiling for three weeks. My confidence has never been higher.

signature: “Real men defrag weekly.”

Thread: Bed frame filed complaint Posted: 06/09/2000 00:01

🖨️ user: Inkjet_Kev
rank: Paper Jammer

★★★★★

After Richie stayed over, my bed developed trust issues and two bolts resigned immediately. Five stars.

signature: “HP DeskJet survivor.”

Thread: Not safe for weak hearts Posted: 12/31/1999 23:59

🧙 user: CyberRune420
rank: HTML Sorcerer

★★★★☆

Doctors said rest. Richie said nonsense. I saw stars, heard choir music, and reconsidered cardio training.

signature: “Tables inside tables inside tables.”

Thread: Married him next week Posted: 01/01/2001 08:15

💘 user: LonelyInLillehammer
rank: Guestbook Poet

★★★★★

One date with Richie and I cancelled every dating app. Why browse when perfection already delivered?

signature: “Currently buffering emotionally.”

Thread: Neighbor heard applause Posted: 03/14/2001 22:11

👏 user: WallListener89
rank: Thin Wall Expert

★★★★★

I don't know what happened next door, but at one point someone yelled "thank you Richie" and furniture shifted three feet.

signature: “Need better insulation.”

Thread: Fitbit thought I was sprinting Posted: 07/07/2002 01:04

⌚ user: CardioKaren
rank: Pulse Survivor

★★★★★

My smartwatch congratulated me on completing a marathon. I was indoors the whole time.

signature: “Hydrated and humbled.”

Thread: Sheets entered retirement Posted: 11/09/2003 09:45

🛏️ user: LaundryLisa
rank: Fabric Witness

★★★★★

I've seen hotel linen with combat experience look less exhausted than these sheets.

signature: “Respectfully shaken.”

ABOUT RICHIE

Proud owner of a Opel Agila and an enormous dick.

Collector of cheap cologne, broken hearts, and unexplained confidence.
Drives like a king, parks like a menace, performs like a legend.

THE LEGEND OF RICHIE

Nobody knows where Richie came from. Some say he was born during a thunderstorm. Others claim he simply appeared when someone typed ALT+F4 with enough confidence.

What we do know is this: Richie once downloaded a 4 MB file in under 45 minutes, survived a corrupted Winamp skin, and allegedly made a chatroom go silent by typing only “sup”.

WARNING: Richie lore may not be compatible with modern browsers.

OFFICIAL BEDROOM PERFORMANCE REPORT

★ Average Satisfaction Rate: 99.8%
★ Estimated Stamina: Longer than a Lord of the Rings marathon
★ Confidence Level: Illegal in 7 countries
★ Pillow Casualties: Numerous
★ Recommended Hydration Breaks: Mandatory

WARNING: Do not challenge Richie without stretching first.